why does this keep happening?Oct 04, 2021
This is always my pattern.
I'm never going to change.
I hear a version of this sentiment often.
Almost daily actually.
It shows up like:
I always get burnt out at year X of my job.
I keep dating the same man over and over.
I keep losing the same 20 pounds.
I keep having the same argument with my husband, child, mom, boss.
I can commit for 3 weeks and then... bam. I hit a wall.
Ready for the mic drop?
Changing the circumstance or taking different actions does not create a pattern shift that lasts.
Changing your thoughts is the only way.
New thought = gradual shift
Next new thought = next gradual shift
And the problem is that when you think:
"This happens to me over and over..."
"This will never change..."
"This is just how I am..."
"This" becomes a part of your identity.
Do any of these ring true?
I can easily lose 20 lbs, but can't keep it off.
I have no trouble getting a job, but always feel bored after 3 years.
I can commit to a new habit and then... 3 weeks later find myself procrastinating.
So try this my friend:
Write down the "this." (your pattern)
Then write all the details about it.
Then look for evidence that the opposite of "this" could be true.
Counter intuitive right?
Your brain has no probs looking for evidence that this pattern exists.
Let's make our brain earn its coffee and look for the opposite.
There was that time I lost 10 pounds and kept it off for 1 year.
I loved job x, but when I heard about job y I knew it was a perfect fit. So, I wasn't actually bored in job x, it's just that job y sounded more fun.
I learned how to walk, brush my teeth, do laundry, get up each morning, and have maintained all of these habits.
This is how you disrupt the thought. You prove the pattern wrong. You find counter evidence. It's there. I promise. Show yourself some grace and look for where "this always happens to me" isn't really true.
Tag. You are it.