What prevents elevating?

Jan 15, 2023

I don't know one woman who doesn't want to elevate somewhere in her life.
A tiny elevation or a huge elevation.
But here is the usual pattern... 
She identifies what she wants.
She maps out her plan.
Then she begins to take all the actions, but somewhere along the way she fizzles out. 
It's subtle. Skipping one work out. Ignoring LinkedIn for one week. Justifying waiting to ask, apply, etc... until next quarter.

In my years as a coach I see the reason for this fizzle out falling into one of three categories:

  • Your inner critic
  • Your limiting beliefs and/or
  • Your unwillingness to feel discomfort

There are overlaps among the three, but all three sabotage your chance for growth, elevation, and achieving your dreams. 

1) YOUR INNER CRITIC - you begin to elevate or prep to elevate and the tiny or loud voice in your head tells you something like this:

You aren't ready.
You have failed many times. This time won't be different.
You are too old.
You don't have what it takes.
You will embarrass yourself.
You aren't attractive enough.
You will let others down. 
You aren't expert enough.
You don't have the right education, certification, qualifications.
You aren't smart enough.
You will be bothering others.

2) YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS - you begin to elevate and default, subconscious thoughts that aren't necessarily critical, but are roadblocks begin to show up in spades like:

People like you can't go for jobs like that, a man like that, a salary like that. 
Everything will be very hard.
You don't have enough time. 
You don't have the resources.
You will lose friends.
Others do it so much better.
You are bad at tech.
You don't manage money well.

3) AN UNWILLINGNESS TO FEEL DISCOMFORT- when you begin to feel uncomfortable you think something has gone wrong - cue the above thoughts - when in fact growth does not occur without walking through discomfort. 

You don't call the hiring person because you will feel awkward.
You don't join the gym because you will feel too self conscious exposing your weakness
You don't write the first post because you may attract criticism.
You don't ask for the raise because you will feel greedy, may sweat, may cry.
You don't ask him out because you know you'll be awkward and probably get rejected.

Doing any of the above is actually called failing ahead of time.
When you avoid, delay, ignore... you are actually contributing to your own fail.  

You can feel awkward and make the call or awkward that you didn't. 
You can feel uncomfortable in your body and invest in creating one you love, or you can just stay uncomfortable. 
You can criticize that some may criticize or write the darn piece and allow for whatever comments may follow. 
You can cry and fret about not getting a raise, or fret and cry while asking for one. 
You can reject yourself from love or you can put yourself out there and dare getting rejected by another - or accepted. 

So what to do?
Your inner critic, limiting beliefs, and discomfort appear to be helpful.

They pretend to keep you safe.
But what they really create is a life of familiarity, a level of comfort that can actually be described as mediocrity, evidence that your success is not inevitable. 

They build cages around you and keep you small.
Not challenged.
Left wanting, but not striving. 

If this is you, nothing has gone wrong.
You may not have realized that you are preventing yourself from even dreaming of more. 
You may not have realized that you can create your own safety while feeling uncomfortable, while kicking those limiting beliefs to the curb, while taming your inner critic. 

My coach taught me from day one that
"Discomfort is the currency to my dreams."

So, while I preach creating a life of ease and flow I know that both only come after discomfort and awareness. 
So, each time I have tried something new - getting certified, starting my blog, asking for free clients, advertising my services for money, hosting a retreat, creating webinars, pitching myself to companies, creating a mastermind, raising my prices I can expect all the above to be present.

And I don't make it mean anything negative.

Instead, I remind myself...

This is you upleveling Kristin.
You may win or you may fail, but either way you are learning and serving and growing and expanding and creating extraordinary.
And even if I feel like vommiting when I step out of my comfort zone or invite a belief to sit in the passenger seat while I'm driving to my next stop I know that the rewards are great on the other side. 

So, if you have your eye set on a goal, go all in.
And just expect resistance in the form of your inner critic (she's just trying to protect you), limiting beliefs (just stories, not true) and discomfort (just a feeling, it won't kill you to feel uncomfortable). 

Awareness is the key.
As is not believing everything you think and feel.

If you want help overcoming, managing, or eliminating the above obstacles let’s chat. Your life is full of possibilities, opportunities, endless love, abundance, and joy … don’t get in your own way and prevent any of the above.

Big love and hugs,