If only....

May 12, 2022

Man I spent a lot of my twenties and thirties beginning sentences with two disempowering words when used together.


Wonder if you can relate?

If only I could find a better paying job. (instead I added a bunch of side hustles to my week)

If only I could stress less about making ends meet. (see above, #sidehustles)

If only we didn't have to rent. (I so wanted to have no rules about painting a room)

and then get ready for it...

If only our landlady weren't so annoying. (you saw that coming right?)

If only my boss didn't treat me like a secretary. (insecure much Kristin?)

If only we didn't have to take on all these graduate school loans. (notice a money lack theme??)

If only he could get more sleep. (#residencylife)

If only we weren't moving I could keep this part time job I love. (still my fav job ever... UVA MBA (Darden) admissions counselor... so damn fun)

If only I could get pregnant or stop miscarrying. (I created a lot of drama for myself)

If only therapy weren't considered a pre-existing condition (remember those?)

then I could keep my fab therapist, but leave this job I hate. (at a pysch hospital.... stop laughing, and pre Darden, see above.)

If only he could relax more.

(ummm... don't you think my anxiety was also affecting him?)

If only this baby would sleep. (wanted a baby so much and then I judge the baby? Entitled much Kristin?)

If only his practice could grow faster. (I just couldn't be pleased eh?)

Yuck. I have to stop. Just typing those words makes me feel icky (SAT word) and victimy (PSAT word) and terribly uninspired (my word). Not to mention I was living with such limiting beliefs about what I was capable of doing, producing, solving, enjoying, etc... Could someone have talked some sense into me?

I was for sure sitting at that Pity Party Table for One eh?

Now, this is not how I presented to the world, but I sure had a soundtrack of IF ONLY, running through my head. I wish I had met a coach then. It would have been so freeing. Instead I lived with a fair amount of overwhelm and unhappiness. But, all is not lost, I can now show that version of me compassion and also feel such gratitude that I figured out how to evolve past that way of approaching my life.

I actually don't even recognize that version of me now. Phew. Au revoir.

And I know that having experienced that way of assessing a circumstance has made me a much more powerful coach.

Many women reach out to me with their only IF ONLYs.

These are the ones I hear the most often:

If only I could get organized.

If only my boss were more supportive.

If only I could reduce my work load.

If only I could turn off my brain at night.

If only my team would do what I ask.

If only I were still turned on by him.

If only I could finally decide.

If only I knew which decision was right.

If only I could stop overworking.

If only I didn't have so many interruptions.

If only I could stop worrying.

If only I could stop criticizing myself.

If only I could figure out how to juggle home and work.


When I work with someone I don't spend much time in the If Only's.

While they are a great clue to what bothers my client,

I prefer to play in the THEN WHAT? sand box.

If only you could stop overworking then what? What would that make room for?

If only you could stop worrying then what would you prefer to feel often? 

If only you could figure out how to juggle home and work, then what?

And what else?

If only your team would do what you ask, then what?

What would you accomplish?

If only you could get organized, then what?

How would that impact your day?

So this led me to an idea.

What if I offered you a life audit?  

We would spend about one hour together identifying your IF ONLYs and then dreaming about the THEN WHAT's.

Then what is possible for you?

Then what are your deep desires? 

Then when that obstacles is removed what would you achieve? 

Then what would expanding beyond how you view yourself right now feel like?


And, I will for sure share how I can help you get from here to there, but you need not feel any pressure to work together. I want to get better at creating and executing a life audit. So, if you are game for me to stumble a bit, I'm game to share what I know! If this appeals, let's set up a time to connect.

Your "yes I heard you, but THEN WHAT?" coach.



P.S. Want to spend about one hour together identifying your IF ONLYs and then dreaming about the THEN WHAT's. Cool. I do too! I'm calling these life audits. I time to gain awareness, and create some focus on what matters most to you right now to create more fulfillment in your life.