I allow for the sadness

Aug 30, 2021

Heads up: This is not a political post. This is a post about emotions.

There is a misconception that mindset coaching is about thinking positively. All the time.

Looking for the silver lining.

Embracing shit shows.

Being naive.

Being a Polly Anna.

That would be a hard no.

Mindset coaching is about learning to be fully aware of what you are thinking and feeling and taking 100% responsibility for all your thoughts and feelings.

All the damn time.

Mindset coaching is ultimately about awareness.

And about feeling all the feelings.

And, if there is one thing I have learned as a coach it is that I can expect to feel negative emotions half the time. And, when I feel them I know that nothing has gone wrong. I am a human with a human brain.

I no longer resist those emotions.

I don't push them away.

I don't eat or drink them away.

I don't ignore them.

I embrace them.

I feel them.

So, today I let all my sadness and despair wash over me about the situation in Afghanistan.

I chose to spend the entire day in my two daughters' rooms (one has moved out of state and the other has returned to college). So, being in their rooms allowed me to feel closer to them.

I organized. I purged. I cleaned. I walked down memory lane.

And, I thought a lot about this crisis.

I imagined being a mom in Afghanistan.

I imagined being the wife of a solder, US or Afghan.

I imagined being a pro- American in their country.

I felt a lot about this crisis.

I embraced the anger and sadness and worry.

I cried.

In other words, no silver lining. No lesson to learn.

At least not today for me.

Through coaching I have become very comfortable feeling all my feelings.

I don't want to feel positive and happy and joyful all the time.

When devastation is happening I embrace despair, anger, and frustration.

It is from this place that I take my action.

Today that action meant texting with my college friends (aka - the Hikers...) to seek comfort and learn more. It meant having conversations with my daughters and my husband about our responsibility to the Afghans, the hundreds of disabled military men and women who served in Afghanistan we saw on a visit to southern California and what they must be feeling now, the trust we have lost among those who are most in need of what we say we represent. The loss of the hope for democracy.

For me it was about this crisis today that reminded me the importance of feeling all the feels.

For you it could be about other news - a diagnosis, a divorce, a job loss, an argument, an outcome you did not want.

No matter the thoughts that are creating negative emotion, don't ignore them. Don't turn your head.

Don't pretend you aren't sad or worried or angry.

If you do, I promise those feelings will surface in some other area of your life.

It may sound counter intuitive, but letting yourself fully feel the feeling will actually speed it along. Feel it. Don't suffer in it. Don't fixate on it. Just feel it and then release it.

And then choose your actions on purpose.

For me, it will be a lot of prayer.

It will not be watching the news.

It will be staying connected to my dear friends.

It will be continuing my conversations with my family.

And, it will be a lot of self coaching.

I know for sure that you are strong.

I know for sure that you are resilient.

I know for sure that life can be hard.

I know for sure that feeling your feelings is the answer.

And, I also know that connecting with yourself and those dear to you goes along way toward moving through the hard news and hard times.