Have you been tired to your bonesJun 08, 2021
But sleep doesn't solve for it?
Yeah... that's how I have been feeling and I didn't even realize it.
And the irony is not lost on me.
I preach self care.
I preach rest.
I preach balance.
And, yet.... I have not been prioritizing any of these for the last months.
But, on a call with my coach last week I told her I felt tired.
And then I just started crying.
I thought it came out of nowhere, but that wasn't true.
I had been staying busy and focused and productive as a way of ignoring a deep sadness I was feeling.
And ignoring this sadness was creating exhaustion.
Two weeks ago our eldest graduated college. I let myself get caught up in the whirlwind that was prepping for her graduation (presents, parties, logistics) and then non stop celebrating that weekend. Nothing wrong with any of this. It's just that ... I was experiencing everything on a shallow level, until I wasn't. And that my friend is when the exhaustion hit me. And then I started thinking non stop about when our next daughter graduates in two years ... (spoiler alert: don't do this unless you want all the tears to flow...)
I'm slowly experiencing an identity shift.
I am a mom.
I will always be a mom.
I love being a mom.
And, my role of mom is really shifting.
And, I had not given myself the space to accept this shift.
Can you relate to this?
There is an inevitable change in your future and you just ignore all the feelings surfacing around the change. Yeah, that's what I have been doing. But the funny thing is that the longer we resist, the more the feeling persists and then .... exhaustion.
So, I welcomed all the feelings. I let myself rest. I set work aside. I created space in my days to feel all the feels: the loss, the pride, the emptiness.
i picked up some fiction. I watched a few home shows. i got a very gentle massage. I created some levity. I sought out humor. And, I am no longer exhausted. In fact I am feeling very content. Very at peace.
I have a renewed perspective.
As thoughts create feelings then thinking, "A huge chapter of my life is almost closing." is a stupid thought to think unless I want to sit in loss and sadness all the damn day.
Nope. There are just more openings, not more closings in my future.
Our nest is not almost empty, because Lewis and I live in the nest.
(a nest with new doors and windows even...)
If you feel exhausted, check in with your feelings.
Is there a reality you are resisting?
Is there a feeling you are suppressing?
Here's the best news: you can survive feeling it. You can survive embracing it.
The only way out, is through.
No feelings are off limits.
And, if you want help, I've got you dear friend.
No need to DIY.