Failure is an event, not an identity

Mar 14, 2022


Read that again.

So damn good.

This past weekend I went to Atlanta to attend an event with my daughter, Caroline. We spent Saturday surrounded by 198 other women enjoying all the wisdom of Chaz Easterly, the owner of Linen and Flax. She shared so much about her personal and entrepreneurial journey. Her struggles and her wins. Her hits and her misses, with an emphasis on the importance of embracing failure along your journey. It is from the fails that she got more focussed and clear on her path.


You are either winning or learning (another take on failure) was repeated to us over and over in coach training.

You grow through failing.

You build strong new skills and strengths.

Remember how part of building body strength is to bring our muscles to failure?

We invite it. We plan for it. We work for it.

What if that is how you looked at any failure in your life?

What if you planned for the failure?

What if you invited it?

What if you worked toward it?

Sunday, Caroline and I joined one of my friends for church. And, of all the lines the pastor spoke, "Failure is an event, not an identity," hit me the hardest.

When clients come to me they often report a failure ...failed relationship, job search, career attempt, promotion, a firing, key employee quitting....

And they are often letting the previous define them, limit them,

prevent them, hold them hostage.

Guess what happens then?

They create feelings of ....





Together we shift the narrative and disentangle them from the drama of the failure event. When you believe to your toes that you can never be a failure, then you are open to creating some distance from the event, some awareness, some perspective.

Sure, you may have gotten fired, but you aren't a failure.

Sure, that marriage may have failed, but you aren't a failure.

Sure, your key employee may have quit, but you aren't a failure.

Instead, what if you asked yourself expansive questions?

Where did you grow?

What did you learn?

What will you do differently next time?

Once you answer these questions you can dive deeper and embrace the facts.

Maybe even thank the facts.

And bid adieu to the drama, to personalizing it, to sinking yourself.

Failure is an event, not an identity.

Your failing her way to success coach,