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Assumptions are dangerous...

Jan 16, 2023

It is the holiday season. 
The season where we often think people can read our minds. 

And I have an idea how we can really bring "Joy to the World..." 

Stop making assumptions. 

There is a shit ton of busyness (if you choose to engage.)
There is a long list of things to do (if you choose to engage) 
And, nothing stirs up resentment in a relationship like the above.
And, nothing triggers emotional immaturity either...

But it doesn't need to. 

Here's THE answer to preventing resentment and judgment in relationships:
Stop making assumptions. 

Assumptions are lazy.
They require no curiosity.
They rely on default thinking.
They don't ask you to evolve.
And, they reveal emotional immaturity. (Ouch.)

Examples... 

He may have no idea the pressure you feel when hosting the office party. 
He may think you love the tradition of Christmas cards.
He may not know you hate buying presents for his family. 
He may not know that you wish he worked within a budget for gifts. 
He may not understand why you don't want to be at three different places on Cmas day. 
He may challenge why you wish to invite 40 people over for Cmas lunch. 
He may not know you are compensating for underwhelming childhood memories of Christmas. 

So, back to self care.  AKA - managing your mind. 
Stop making assumptions. 


If you have pre-decided what you will and won't do at the holidays and you have communicated your yeses to your partner in a loving way, a conversational way, I would bet a lot of money there will be less resentment and triggering. 

Assumptions avoided. 

If you review what you'd like to accomplish over the holidays and ask for your partner's participation, I would bet you a lot of money there will be less resentment and triggering. 

Assumptions avoided. 

If you are the Martha Stewart of Christmas and want him to recognize every pine cone placed, every satin ribbon tied, every fresh decoration made, then invite him to notice instead of expecting him to notice and I would bet you a lot of money there will be less resentment and triggering. 

Assumptions avoided. 

And, if this is your busy season professionally and you still have Hollywood ideas of how the holidays "should" be executed, let him in on your thinking. Invite him to brainstorm with you. Ask him what he's game to take over, or even initiate and I would bet you a lot of money there will be less resentment and triggering. 

Assumptions avoided. 

Are you getting the theme? 
No assumptions. 
Tons of communication. 
Managed nervous system.
Managed thoughts.


Joy.
Joy to your world. 
Create joy in your world.
I wish for joy to and in your world, 
I mean... assuming that's what you want... (bah ha ha ha)
K

P.S. An assumption is a thought. An interpretation of a circumstance. It's a story. Not real. Even if it feels real to you. The more you are willing to accept this the more likely you are to create peace and joy and not challenge and frustration.