You Don't Have To Change the Difficult Person

Now you know that labeling someone as difficult reduces the likelihood that you'll ever be able to connect with them. And, it increases the chances that you will seek oodles of evidence that they are difficult. And doing this creates your own suffering. Silly you. But even if you want to fight me about why they really, truly, like without a doubt are difficult, what if you considered that this does not have to be a problem and ... Thought #4: You don't have to change the other person for them to no longer be difficult. What? Yup. You can just let them be them and you be you. You can acknowledge what you think and how you feel, and decide that no one else can rob you of your own joy, reaching your goals, building calm, growing happiness, being a success at work, as a parent, in a marriage. Not gonna happen. And if you need a few hacks... Here you go. Let's say your default is to get exasperated. Instead pause.

  1. Identify the thought that is causing the exasperation.

  2. Then say this: I am noticing I am thinking (fill in the blank) and that thought is creating this feeling.

  3. Then try practice saying this: I am willing to stop thinking this thought so I can focus on my own peace.

Do you have big plans for your life? Then why would you ever let someone else compromise those plans? If you aren't willing to entertain this, then you are just being difficult. (tee hee...)


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