A wise boss I once had said,
"Show me your checkbook and I'll tell you your values."
I was working in school admissions at the time and kept getting stumped when a family toured our school, fell in love with it and then said they couldn't afford it.
But I saw them spending in so many other areas of their life.
My boss cut to the chase.
It's not that they can't afford it, it is that they are unwilling to sacrifice other pleasures for this education.
I now realize that is how I view calendars.
I never believe someone when they say they don't have the time.
(parallel to money above.)
If they value X, they will always make the time.
And often we are not being honest with ourselves.
Ask yourself if you are using any of these excuses:
I have no time to look for another job.
I have no time to focus on my health.
I have no time to give to my husband.
Is it possible that what you really mean is: that is not a priority for me.
Cool. No judgment.
Just be honest with yourself.
Replace "I have no time" for "I don't want to"
I don't want to look for another job.
I don't want to focus on my health.
I don't want to give to my husband.
You will always find time for what you most want to do.
And, if you aren't finding it, get really curious.
Why are you working 100 hours a week and treating your body like a trash can?
Why are you saying yes to every volunteer leadership role, but don't invite your husband out on a date?
Why do you value busy over space? What are you avoiding feeling?
Why do you feel obligated to help everyone at work to the detriment of your calendar?
Gold is in the answer to these types of questions.
It is often because we are trading one discomfort for another ---
The discomfort of a job we don't enjoy with the anticipated discomfort of searching for a new one.
The discomfort of long hours for the discomfort of shifting how you fuel your body,
The discomfort of letting your husband down instead of the discomfort of letting your boss down.
Forget "Show me the money."
Show me the calendar.
It reveals more than you realize.