Updated: Feb 2
So, my assumption was that when my circumstances changed, my level of happiness would to.
And that worked for a while. Lewis started working. I stopped working full time. It was my turn for graduate school. I grew my side hustles to bring in more money for our fam. I got a great job at UVA's Darden Business School. We had a baby. Life was good. And, again... I assumed it was because the things "making my life hard" had changed.
But, then residency ended. I was 32. Lewis was 34. We moved to a new town. We brought a new baby along with our two year old. Lewis began working. We bought our first home. And, six months in I hit a wall again. I returned to feeling resentment boring right? imagine being Lewis? I returned to being a whiner, and focusing on lack instead of abundance. What the town didn't have. What my life didn't have. Where things weren't enough. I started comparing and despairing, again... If only this had been the movie playing in my brain instead: Um... hey chickie Kristin -- did you note that you had two healthy adorable daughters, a husband who was happily employed, lived in a classic old home you got to make your own, was in a playgroup of fab women, found an outstanding preschool for Caroline, could finally afford a babysitter from time to time. AND... your parents have relocated to your town? And, guess what ... even if you don't get this, it's okay to be honest with how you feel as long as you own all your feelings and don't blame them on anyone or anything. NOPE. I guess I just preferred to create my own suffering. I wasn't wallowing in misery. I mean... we were making friends and enjoying so much of our lives, but there was this subtle soundtrack always playing ... I wonder what it would be like if. ________________ and I filled in that blank with all sorts of answers, every damn day. Then a few years into this "new" life I woke up. I am not sure if I read a book or article (more my speed) or saw an Oprah show or heard a message from God, but it became very clear that the only common denominator in my ten years of suffering was me, moi, the blonde chickie. #embarrassing #freeing I can't say I saw it as clearly as I see it now, but enough of me realized ... I was making my own misery. And instead of turning outward I turned inward. I didn't run for a quick fix (yoga, new job, new outfit...) I gave myself a good talking to, and I showed myself compassion and love and I asked myself what I most needed. Back to my inner talk: Okay, girl, so parts of this life are not what you fantasized about, but plenty of this life is far beyond what you ever could have imagined. My marriage changed on a dime, as did my outlook, and how I spent my time. I started serving wherever I could. I got honest with myself about what I needed as a mom of young people to stay sane and fulfilled and present for them. (and kept my kick-ass playgroup...) I leaned into thanks and looking for ways I could fulfill whatever needs I had (can you say girlfriend getaways? weekend trips to a city with Lewis? more incredible babysitters? less pressure to be a perfect mom, a bit more admissions consulting...) And no huge circumstances changed. None. In fact, the game of whack a mole continued. We continued to face challenges. But, I was in such a different space. A space of calm and abundance and gratitude. I stopped seeking and longing for things to be different. Fast forward to today. Damn I love my town. Like... LOVE it. We have an incredible community. Our girls are both launched, off at college now, kind, grateful, and generous. We have been a part of many wonderful organizations and schools. We've always had enough. We've had a shit ton of fun on date nights and in many friends' homes, yards, and driveways ... I am proud to my toes of my husband and his commitment to his patients. He's made an impact. I adore my marriage. I'm proud of the mom and wife I have become. And, notice something... These are not facts. Not one of those are facts. They are my thoughts. Thoughts I choose to think on purpose, no matter the circumstance. And these thoughts have completely changed my life. My compelling reason for having a coaching practice is to encourage women to remove their pity lenses, take off their resentment cap, stop hiding behind people pleasing in order to avoid the discomfort necessary to bring your life into alignment with your highest thoughts. We are responsible for creating the life we want. No one else is. And, when we realize this, it is as powerful as wearing a super woman cape. Not because we have to DO IT all... the inverse. Because we create with our thoughts, not our actions. Far less exhausting. What one thought can you shift today to end a tad of suffering in your life? One tiny thought or one huge belief? If you'd like to learn more ... I"m an email away. Hugs,