I have a feeling you and I have a lot in common. And, I bet one of those things is our desire to be seen as capable. As productive. As smart. As a contributor. There is nothing wrong with desiring these descriptions unless we are seeking them to create our own self worth, our own security, our own self confidence. If this is your path to worthiness I promise you, you will burnout. I did. When you say Yes more than No. When you take responsibility for others' feelings. When overworking becomes the norm. When hyper functioning is just how you operate. When other's being pleased with your output is more important than you being pleased with your output. Spoiler Alert: If this is you, a crash is coming. I am not going to make this into a cheesy Hallmark card, but You do not have to do one thing to be worthy. Just by existing you are worthy. So here is your permission slip to stop hustling (unless you are doing the 70s dance...). More is not more. More balls in the air. More committees. More projects. More yeses. More busyness. If you are not sure if this is you ask yourself a few questions.
Do I tell myself it is always up to me to make sure everything turns out okay?
Am I able to turn my brain off at night and get a full night's sleep or am I replaying the day and the week and thinking about all that still needs to get done?
Do I feel guilty resting?
Do I resent others who are not working (doing) as much as me?
Are other people's opinions of me more important than my opinion of me?
Do I dream about running away?
Am I too tired to be present with those I love?
This has been my work for the last ten years. When I started to answer yes to the above I started making different decisions:
I left the job.
I resigned from organizations.
I reduced my volunteer roles.
I told my family I couldn't continue to do all that I was doing for them.
I rsvp'd No to many things that probably could have been fun, but would have compromised rest and spaciousness.
I asked for help.
I didn't load my work email to my phone.
I learned to leave at 5pm.
I stopped telling myself it wouldn't get done if I didn't do it.
And after some time so much space opened.
So much honesty with myself was built.
So many authentic yeses and authentic no's were said.
I learned how to create boundaries out of love.
And, I learned to create feelings of capable, productive, and smart from my thoughts about my actions, not others' opinions of them. #suchfreedom
From one hyper achiever to another,
there is another way,