Last week I asked if your life was busy or full? And, wow... This hit a few of you in the stomach. I heard from many of you that your life is not full, it is busy and you are done. And after having a few conversations with those who said busy, I realize that mostly this is because your life is filled with "should's." A good mom should... A good wife should... A good employee should.... A good boss should.... A good daughter should... A good volunteer should... A good daughter should..... (replace good with responsible, honorable, committed....) If you've been with me for any amount of time you know that I recommend banning the word should from your vocabulary. It isn't kind to yourself. We say "should" when we are following someone else's definition of how we are to move through this world. And depending upon when you were introduced to this should you may have just integrated it into your being without questioning it. So, now it is your own definition. But, I promise you adopted this idea from someone else - your family, your culture, your education, your religion, your industry, social media, your friends .... Should is the opposite of being intentional and authentic. Should is often a sign of people pleasing, martyrdom, outsourcing your values... When I hear a client say should I know they are on autopilot.
To remind you, a busy life is filled with...
And, a full life is filled with ....
I"m going to focus on this topic for a few emails and offer you actions you can take to move from busy to full. Today's challenge is to look at your calendar, or to do list and ask what is on there because you decided it should be? No judging you or anyone else. This is about gathering data not creating drama.
Are there things listed that you do because "it's just easier to do it myself." I'll do a better job than my 10 year old would, employee would, husband would."
Are there things on the list you do so you look capable and impressive, but resent the hell out of?
Are there things you do yourself because "what would your mom say if she knew what you spent outsourcing this? (meal prep, house cleaning, outfitting yourself, etc...)
Are there things on the list you do to make sure your child is competitive for school, the team, the orchestra, college, internships?
Are there things on the list that you do so that your neighbors will be impressed?
Are there things on the list that you do because, God forbid you gained 5 pounds ....
Are there things on your list you do to avoid asking someone else and possibly having a difficult conversation?
Even if you just answered yes to one of those questions I promise you that it is adding to busy, not full. If you just take a good hard look at your list today and maybe tomorrow you will be a huge leap closer to understanding where you are creating the busyness. Again, data. No drama. I'll circle back Wednesday and share what to do once you've identified what you no longer want to do on your list. You are one step closer to full, Kristin